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The first thing I want to know from you, anonymous question submitter, is your definition of “a lot” when you say your partner watches “a lot” of porn. Are we talking a few times a week? Or are we talking every-hour-on-the-hour-and-he/she-can’t-hold-down-a-job-because-of-it type of thing? 
If the first definition, then there is really nothing to worry about. It’s perfectly healthy to watch porn (as long as the people watching it are consenting adults and the movies are legal, blah, blah, blah…). Some use porn to increase sexual pleasure. Some like it as part of fore play. Some people watch it alone and some watch with their partner.
The important thing to remember is that many people are watching porn—not just your partner. As of 1992, 75% of men under 55 had used a pornographic magazine, book, sex video, or both during the year. The corresponding figure for women was 41%. In a more recent British study – 66% of women and 88% of men reported viewing pornographic material – in magazines, videos, or on the internet regularly.
Porn pictures, magazines and sex videos have pleasured people for centuries. People have viewed sexually explicit material since cave dwellers first took charcoal to a rock wall.
Porn can also increase sexual enjoyment. 89% of women who watch porn videos reported having an orgasm the last time they had intercourse. Some report porn helps them have a satisfying sex life.
AND it is also true that many couples have good, satisfying sex without the added attraction of porn.
If your partner uses porn to masturbate – remember, masturbation is a personal act and one that is enjoyable for many people. If watching porn is part of that experience it is her/his personal choice.
If the latter definition, then there’s a problem. Porn shouldn’t be getting in the way of your relationship, (or in the way of being a functioning member of society, for that matter). If you feel your partner has become obsessed with it, it’s time to talk. Although it may seem hard to do, try not to be judgmental and try to remember what we mentioned above—watching porn is perfectly normal. What’s not normal is devoting every waking minute of the day to it and shutting out the rest of the world.
Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.
Should you have a question you would like to see included, please send an email to goddess@ppnne.org
