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Maggie Gyllenhaal sure likes to be submissive in the film Secretary
Any question that’s phrased with the word “all” is almost always going to elicit the response “no.” But what do you actually mean by the word submissive? Do you mean submissive as in doesn’t make any of the moves? Do you mean submissive as in Dominance and submission? Or do you mean submissive as in a person just lies there like a dead fish, doing and saying nothing?
Partner Who Doesn’t Make the First Move: It’s true that some women prefer men to make the first move, but not all women. We unfortunately live in a culture that encourages girls to grow up believing they should be “sugar and spice and everything nice.” This stereotype, among many others, can cause girls to grow up believing the passive role is the only one for them, when this just isn’t the case.
However, some women do prefer their partner to make the first move. Maybe they are shy, or maybe they just feel more comfortable waiting for their partner. Either way, there’s nothing wrong with this scenario. If it bothers you though, talk about it and let her know you’d like to see her initiate sex play every once in a while.
Dominance and submission (D&s): It can be said that both men and women have been known to enjoy D&s. D&s is a role couples can choose to play in the bedroom, where they take pleasure or find it erotic to either dominate or be dominated. Those who take the superior role are the dominants, and those who take the subordinate role are called submissives. D&s is not set in stone—you have both the ability to be dominant and the ability to be submissive. How you choose to act depends on what role you want to play, are required to play, or believe you should play.
It takes confidence and comfort with a partner to take on either one of these roles. Here are some questions you should ask yourself if considering D&s:
- What role turns you on the most —and why does it?
- Are you able to consider switching back and forth — giving each person the opportunity to play both roles?
- What’s your motivation for choosing this role?
- Are you sure that you are taking care of yourself and remaining safe?
Dead fish scenario: If you have a partner who doesn’t do much during sex and you’d like something to change, talk to them about it. Ask them to tell you what they want — ask them how it feels when you [fill-in-the-blank]. Ask them to moan, scream, or sigh when something feels good.
Think of someone being submissive in a good way — if they are getting pleasure, they’re turned on, and having fun — let them enjoy it.
Here’s the link to a glorious video we couldn’t embed: Maggie Gyllenhaal performing basic office tasks in bondage. How cute is that?
Planned Parenthood of northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.
Should you have a question you would like to see included, please send an email to goddess@ppnne.org
Just a note to the writer, I believe in the first line you mean “elicit”(V. to draw or bring out or forth; educe; evoke) rather than “illicit”(adj. not legally permitted or authorized; unlicensed; unlawful).
No problem. My apologies for the post. I seemed to have skipped over the email address. Wonderful article though. Keep up the most excellent work!
I like when he makes the first move because it makes me feel sexy and wanted, not because I’m shy. I’m far from! Its a tiny bit of a happy power thing- I wait for him to say he needs me (even if I need him too.) And sometimes he appreciates it the other way around, but I like it when he comes to get it! We’re both pretty even when if comes to making the moves after that. But no D & S for us- not a comfortable place in our bed.