“Whoa!”, “Stop!”, and “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” are never words you want to hear in the bedroom. That’s why being on the same page from the get-go is so important, and is also why your question about consent is such a good one.
Everyone wants to feel respected and cared about – especially during sex. You are a great lover when you ask someone what they are okay with. Whether it is a casual or longer term relationship, everyone feels good when he or she is participating in a mutual and consensual act.
It’s actually easier than you may think to ask for consent and “keep the mood.” Your tone of voice and the way you ask questions both play a big role.
One of the best questions to ask that won’t ruin the mood is simply-Do you like this? This really helps if you are trying something that you haven’t done together before, or if you haven’t been together before.
Other questions you can ask: What do you like?; What can I do that really turns you on?; Does this feel good?; Would you like to do this?; Can we try this?; Are you up for trying this? All of these are great ways to gauge what your partner is comfortable with.
You can also start the conversation off by mentioning what you are into: I like this. Would you be willing to do this to me?; This is what I like more than anything…; I saw two people doing this, and I’d like to try it. Would you? Etc., etc.
Now here’s the one rule to keep in mind- Don’t ask a hundred questions. Unless you’re playing some sort of “permission” type game, your partner might find this really unnecessary. If you find you’re getting into new territory, then you should ask again and just enjoy what’s happening.
Bottom line: Asking is a turn on. You can and should do it. And if you do it correctly, you’ll never ruin the mood. Have fun!
And speaking of setting the mood, check out the Top 10 Songs to Have Sex To.
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A very sexy way to gain consent is to directly ask permission: to touch, to enter, to suck. I’ve been in both situations. Men melt when I ask permission to do something to them erotically. As a woman, I open up if a man ask permission to touch me in a certain way. Even if you’re married longterm partners, you don’t have any “rights” to another’s body. Permission is regranted ( or withheld ) each time you make love. It’s sexy to ask.