Consensual Text

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(This week’s question came from a 19 year old male reader.)

Ever had a root canal?  (No worries…using a dental dam is not painful and doesn’t require a professional.) Your dentist probably used a dental dam to isolate your tooth that she/he was working on: it is a way to keep things free of bacteria in your mouth (dentist talk) or in your partner’s vulva or anus (sex talk).

“The little square of latex” functions as a barrier when performing oral-vaginal sex (cunnilingus) and oral-anal sex (rimming) and helps prevent the spread of STIs.

Let’s get technical first: dental dams are available for purchase over the counter in most drug stores, online, in sex shops, and at many health centers or doctor’s offices. They are made of thin latex, measuring approximately 6×8”, and come in a variety of flavors and/or scents.  There are non-latex dental dams available for people with latex allergies. As with condoms, always check the expiration date, as latex breaks down over time and loses efficacy. When this happens, small, microscopic holes allow bacteria and infection to spread, defeating the point of using one in the first place. (If the dam comes with a powder-like substance on it, wash it off and air or towel dry prior to using it.) For even more info, click here.

Now, about using it:

Spread the dam over the entire vulva, covering the vaginal opening and clitoris.  During oral-anal contact, use the dam to cover your partner’s anus.  Never use the same dental dam for both oral-vaginal and oral-anal sex.

Some people like to use some water based lubricant on the vagina or anus beforehand to increase stimulation, thus heightening the enjoyment of oral and anal sex when using a dental dam.

Alternatives to dental dams include a non-lubricated male condom with the tip cut off and cut down the length of the condom or plastic wrap (NOT the microwavable kind).

tickle and tease with the dam, especially after both of you are really ready for sex, to intensify the anticipation.

Don’t think they are too much trouble and pleasure kills – you are being safe by using one and you will both will enjoy the experience – smell, taste, stretch of the dam – if you play with it and have a little fun.

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Do you have a question you would like to see included?  Please email goddess@ppnne.org

via The Huffington Post

Poolside pap smear? Vajazzled va-jay-jay? Telling cancer to “Suck It!”?  Yep, must be Kathy Griffin.

Kathy Griffin is one of the most uncensored, politically incorrect comedians of all time (which is why we absolutely love her).  Her latest stunt is no different—she underwent a public pap smear for her television show “My Life on The D-List.”

via The Huffington Post

As a part of her Smear Campaign, Kathy rocked a bikini for the occassion, and showed off some vagina bedazzling, a.k.a. “vajazzling.”

Though this act has certainly garnered lots of media buzz, Kathy appears to have good intentions in mind. “The goal is to get the word out about women’s health. She wants to…educate women all across the world about keeping their bodies healthy and of course inform them about when they should be getting their check-ups,” her press release stated.

Hey, if this is what it takes to raise awareness for pap smears and cervical cancer, we are absolutely all for it. Just don’t count on PPNNE offering pool-side services anytime soon.

Consensual Text is featured on Twitter and on Facebook .  Fan and follow us for info on a range of topics pertaining to sex and sexual health!

Asking this question is like asking “What’s the best ice cream flavor?” or “What is the funniest movie of all time?” – One person will tell you it’s Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked coupled with a viewing of Anchorman. You may be more of a Rocky Road kind of gal and Steve Carell in The 40-Year-Old-Virgin may really do it for you. My point? The “best” of anything will vary from person to person, sex positions included.

What you should ask is ….What positions do I like best? What position or act helps me have an orgasm more than any other? What type of sex do I get most excited about? Etc., etc.

Everyone’s body is different—bones, movement, size, hips, flexibility, etc—you should try out positions to see what works best for you. Consider the following:

• Positions that allow penetration.
• Positions that easily allow the clitoris to be stimulated
• Positions that allow the breasts to be touched and easily excited.
• Positions that intensify the feelings around the anus.

You can also check out some of these positions that stimulate the senses:

• Positions where you can see your lover and watch him/her.
• Positions where you can smell your lover.

Or maybe you enjoy positions where a lover is tied up and is under your control.

If you’re looking for specific examples of positions, along with cute diagrams, (Warning! Shameless Plug ahead!), check out two of our earlier posts—one of female orgasm and another on the Kama Sutra.

It’s all about you: your preferences, what turns you on, and what you’re comfortable with. So get out there, explore, and have fun!

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Do you have a question you would like to see included?  Please email goddess@ppnne.org

We already had our skirts blown up by the amazing Isabella Rossellini’s Sundance series, “Green Porno“.

Now she moves from mating to courtship and seduction in her new series…see the preview below.  Duck, cuttle fish, snake and bedbug courtship can be found on the same webpage.

Suddenly, paying for cable seems pretty good.

Consensual Text is featured on Twitter and on Facebook .  Fan and follow us for info on a range of topics pertaining to sex and sexual health!

In light of the recent “Penis size by state” study, this question is timely!

We’re not sure when, how, or why, this scuttlebutt about black men’s members began, but it’s just a rumor.

One of the largest studies on penis size was done by sexologist Dr. Alfred C. Kinsey in 1948. Kinsey found the following measurements: the average white male had a penis 6.2 inches long and the average black male had a penis 6.3 inches long.

Ok, so technically black males measured larger than whites in his study (.10 of an inch!), but the study was extremely flawed. For one, Kinsey allowed the men to measure themselves, which may have led to human error in both directions (and perhaps some lying?). Secondly, and most importantly, Kinsey sampled more than 2500 white men, but included only 59 black men. In other words? The study was 98% white and only 2% black, which was not a fair representation of the population in the United States at the time.

Several other studies on penis size have been conducted since Kinsey’s and have found no correlation between size and race. In fact, Wylie and Eardley say there’s no relation between the two at all.

Why has this rumor had better longevity than Cher’s music career? We’re stumped. The important thing to remember is that none of it matters. A white man’s 3.5 inch penis could rock your world just as much as a black man’s 12 inch one and vice versa. Size, color, heck, even hairiness has nothing to do with how good in bed your man will be.

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Do you have a question you would like to see included?  Please email goddess@ppnne.org

As a woman, I never really gave much thought to what a horny male could contribute to society. Fulfilling my sexual desires? Perhaps. Beyond that, the begging and dog-in-heat act doesn’t have much value in my book…until now. It turns out over-sexed male bugs may be the answer to keeping our crops free of toxic pesticides! 

Researchers have come up with a plan to introduce “super-sexed” sterilized male bugs, whose sole purpose in life is to get it on with females. These sterile males copulate with wild females, who are then unable to lay fertile eggs, thus reducing their population.  A stud bug!

While this may seem like a mean joke to those unsuspecting grasshoppers and fruit flies…Trust me when I say that this sex solution is a much kinder alternative to the traditional Death By Pesticide Asphyxiation bugs incur. It’s also a win-win for humans, as it reduces the number of fruits and vegetables we consume that are doused in chemicals.

This solution definitely brings new meaning to “the birds and bees.”

The first thing you should do, even  before talking to your new partner about STDs, is to get yourself tested—GYT!  1 in 2 young people will get a sexually transmitted disease (STD) by age 25 – and most will go undiagnosed. Many people think they are STD-free, but aren’t, thus spreading them unknowingly.  Planned Parenthood, MTV, The Kaiser Family Foundation and the CDC have teamed up to change the silence with our  GYT campaign. Don’t just  get yourself tested, start talking about STDs and help remove the social taboos about them.

Once you’ve learned you own STD (or STD-free!)status, you are ready for the conversation with your partner.  Some tips: 

• Remind yourself that discussing STDs is a good thing—it shows your new partner that you care about your health and theirs, and that you are safe in the bedroom. It also shows you are mature enough to discuss intimate subjects.
• Time it Right—As GYTNOW points out, some times are better than others to have this talk. Before a big exam, while falling asleep in front of the TV, or when already naked, are all bad times to discuss STD testing.  Create the time and privacy needed for this conversation.
• Start the conversation by talking about yourself –
  • “I had an STD test last week because I wanted to know my status. Although I was worried about having one, I found out I don’t!”
  • “I want you to know I don’t have an STD – I was tested recently. It was easy and I didn’t have to wait too long.  I am glad I did it.”
  • “I recently heard that 1 in 2 people who are having sex get an STD by age 25…isn’t that crazy? I’m glad I got tested.”
• Listen to your partner—the odds are they are going to feel grateful and relieved that you brought it up. However, if they do not respond, go ahead and ask them what they think about getting tested. If they show hesitation or concern, explain that you are having this conversation so that you can both stay healthy and STD-free. Remind them how much you care about them and their wellbeing.
• Suggest getting tested together—Let them know that testing is affordable, painless and extremely fast. Some tests, like Rapid HIV, produce results in 20 minutes or less. Make an appointment at any Planned Parenthood health center and go together for compassionate and confidential STD testing.

Here they are—The top songs all about dirty, rotten, cheating scoundrels. Thanks to all our Facebook fans and Twitter followers who wrote in with suggestions!

The Best “Don’t Bother Cheating” Song:  Love the One You’re With by Stephen Stills. Very simple advice: If you can’t be with the one you love, honey/Love the one you’re with. If only everyone listened to this suggestion.

The Angriest Cheating Song: You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette. After being cheated on by none other than Dave Coulier of Full House, Alanis writes one of the harshest, I-hope-you-rot-in-hell songs to date, to let the entire world know of her saga. “And every time I scratch my nails down someone else’s back I hope you feel it/Well can you feel it?” Oh yeah, Alanis, we can feel it.

Complete Denial Cheating Song: It Wasn’t Me by Shaggy. When his buddy is caught doing it on the bathroom floor, the counter, the sofa, and even on camera with another woman, Shaggy tells his buddy to just say, “It Wasn’t Me.” The odds of this advice working are right up there with Shaggy winning a Grammy.

The “I’m Leaving You” Cheating Song: These Boots Are Made for Walking by Nancy Sinatra. Anything written by the daughter of Frank Sinatra is bound to be good, but this single was especially great. Are you ready boots?/Start walkin’!

                                                                                                                                             The “How-to-Screw-Your-Partner-Over-if-They’ve-Been-Cheating” Song: Hit Em Up Style (Oops!) by Blu Cantrell. Blu’s advice for getting cheated on? Take your man’s credit card and go on a ginormous shopping spree with your best friends. Who says money can’t buy happiness?
 

The “You Were Forewarned” Cheating Song:  You Know I’m No Good by Amy Winehouse. If Amy Winehouse is one thing, it’s honest. She let her lover know she really sucks at fidelity in this song, it appears that they fell for it anyway.  I told ya I was trouble/You know that I’m no good.

Other great songs centered around cheating in popular music (in no particular order):

The Other Woman by Ray Parker, Jr.
You Make Me Wanna by Usher
Say My Name by Destiny’s Child.
Screaming Infidelities by Dashboard Confessional
Hoochie Woman by Tori Amos
Lyin’ Eyes by The Eagles
Fire Door by Ani DiFranco
Who’s Bed Have Your Boots Been Under by Shania Twain
Tempted by Squeeze
Found Out About You by the Gin Blossoms
Jolene by Dolly Parton
Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood
Hey Joe by Jimi Hendrix
Cry Me a River by Justin Timberlake

Consensual Text is featured on Twitter and on Facebook .  Fan and follow us for info on a range of topics pertaining to sex and sexual health!

Everyone experiences sexual desire and sexual attraction, whether they are in a relationship or not.  These feelings are normal, natural, and fine to have, but it’s what we do with these feelings that matter.

 People cheat for lots of different reasons: They’re away from their partner, they have a fear of rejection, they no longer want to be in the relationship they are in, they are in lust and love with more than one person (more on this on an upcoming post), their judgment is impaired from drugs/alcohol, etc. etc. The list goes on and on.

Unfortunately, Fidelity for Dummies has not yet been written, so the best we can do is to offer you some tips. Here are 10 ways to avoid cheating:

1. Don’t put yourself in a position where you could easily act on your feeling. Being alone or making plans with your crush is just asking for trouble. Avoid it at all costs!
2. Never admit to your crush that you’re attracted to them. You may think that you’re merely getting something off your chest by doing this. The reality is that you’re sending your crush the wrong message.
3. If you have to be in the same room as the attraction bring a blindfold. :) Not such a horrible idea…
4. Don’t tell too many people about your attraction. And if you find you’re told three or more people then it’s time to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend.  
5. Ask yourself if you are really happy in your current relationship. If not, talk to your partner.
6. Think about what you want in a relationship. What does your ideal boyfriend/girlfriend look like in your mind? Knowing what you really want can keep you loyal.
7. Ask yourself if you’re letting your brain, your heart or your genitals rule the day.
8. Know the way you think about lust, like, and love.   They are all very different.
9. Think about the consequences. There always are consequences when cheating is involved. Will it be worth it?
10. Think about your partner. How will your actions make them feel? How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

If none of these tips work , and you find yourself cheating anyway, then it’s probably time to talk with your boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s also probably time to GYT (Get Yourself Tested for STDs) since you’re with a new partner.

Do you have a favorite song about cheating? Let us know by leaving your suggestion below. Then check back on Tuesday as we count down the greatest songs about infidelity.

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Do you have a question you would like to see included?  Please email goddess@ppnne.org