A Quickie with Mistress Maeve, Vermont’s Foremost Sex Columnist

Instead of answering questions this Frisky Friday, we wanted to ask some.

We sat down with the mysterious Mistress Maeve of Burlington’s Seven Days newspaper, who has been dispensing truthful, titillating and sometimes naughty advice to readers since 2006 in her lusty column.

OK, we lied.  We didn’t actually sit down with her because it turns out her identity is HIGHLY guarded (like North Korea “highly guarded”). But, the Mistress was kind enough to answer a few questions via email, messenger pigeon and secret drop offs.

Mistress, how did you learn so much about sex?
Cable television. When I was young, we were one of the first on our street to get cable. Back then, they didn’t have parental controls, and I had free reign over Cinemax (often referred to as “Skinemax”). I learned from watching big Hollywood movies just how powerful sex and sexuality could be, and thus began my lifelong curiosity about sex. Growing up in a more conservative environment, I was always the outspoken kid who was pushing the envelope. Because sex always seemed to make adults squirm, I made no secret of my fascination with human sexuality. Every chance I got, I read books, wrote papers and gave presentations on everything from sex workers’ rights to gender roles in lesbian BDSM relationships.

Why are you anonymous?
My anonymity is more for my readers’ protection than my own. In my experience, people are more willing to be open and honest about sex if they feel anonymous. I don’t want half-truths in the letters I receive, I want people to let it all out — and they’ll only do that if they feel safe. The more anonymous I am, the more anonymous my readers feel.

How do you choose your questions?
I try to answer each question I receive. It may take a while, but I get to them either in print or on the blog.

Is there anything you wish someone would ask you?
I wish someone would ask me on a date. That would be nice.

Mistress,  we are Planned Parenthood, so we have to ask:  are people being safe when having fun, or does your pile of mail tell you otherwise?
For most of us of a certain age, we all got the same message in high school health class: Use a condom, and you’ll be safe. However, it’s more complicated than that. I hear from many people, women in particular, who are confused about HPV, cervical cancer, hepatitis and herpes. To these women I say: Knowledge is power. Turn to a trusted source for information about your body, then educate your friends and partners. Safe sex happens when we care enough to empower ourselves and take care of our sexual health. If we don’t do it, who else will?

If you could only say one thing to your audience, what would it be?
In the nicest way possible, I’d tell them to lighten up. The vast majority of the letters I receive have to do with sexual anxiety in one form or another. Is anal sex too messy? Is my penis too small? Do I masturbate too much? Stop all the worrying — sex is supposed to be fun! Yes, anal sex can be messy, but don’t let that stop you. No, your penis isn’t too small. And, unless you’re skipping work or family obligations to rub one out, you’re not masturbating too much. Just relax and enjoy yourselves!

What are the things pertaining to sex you still struggle with?
I struggle with the same issues my readers do — communication, body image, sexual health. But, that’s what I like about sex — there’s always something to learn, something to negotiate, something that challenges me. Sexual relationships might not always be easy, but they sure are interesting.

Do you ever struggle with judgment?
Sure. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t struggle with judgment. Mostly I have a hard time not judging people who are judging others. I’ll receive letters or blog comments from readers who are totally disgusted by sex acts or fetishes that others enjoy. I don’t get that. People shouldn’t care so much about what happens in other peoples’ bedrooms. Overall, I believe all sex acts are great, so long as they’re safe, sane and consensual. Of course, safe and sane are subjective terms…