Consensual Text

 Planned Parenthood Federation of America must have realized just how cool Spidey was, because in 1976 they teamed up with the superhero for a special-edition comic dedicated to sex ed. Bizarre, but true!

The plot of this story was simple: The evil Prodigy was brainwashing young teens into believing it was fun to become teenage parents. “They’ll have babies right and left, from ignorance, just as I planned for my giant baby snatch.” Prodigy would then use those babies for child labor on another planet. What a crafty-creep!

Of course, Spider-Man foils the “Pernicious power of the Prodigy” with his clever tricks, prowness, and street-fighting skills. And with the help of three Planned Parenthood inserts, Spidey teaches young adults “What the Facts Are” on pregnancy, feelings, and even VD. They don’t call him “amazing” for nothin’.

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The notion that people can, and do, dress in the clothes of a gender other than their own has existed for centuries. People have always cross-dressed.

Hibiki Amawa is the best cross dresser in the anime world. Hibiki is able to show her feminine and his masculine side simultaneously & successfully.

Many people who cross-dress regularly do so because it makes them feel comfortable, attractive, and excited.  This excitement is not always sexual, but it can often be arousing and thrilling.

Many cross-dressers strive to “pass.” They want to be seen as another gender and to feel “feminine” or “masculine.”

Many will tell you that they have been cross-dressing for years, sometimes simultaneous with periods of feeling uncomfortable about these needs,  though they have just as many thrilling and enjoyable times cross-dressing.

Myths:

• “Cross-dressing has to do with one’s sexual orientation or gender identity.” This is false: Like anyone, cross-dressers can be gay, heterosexual, bisexual, male, female, bi-gendered, or transgender – married, single, polyamorous, or celibate.
• “Cross dressing is about wanting to be something or someone else.”  False-loosen up.  It’s about comfort and pleasure.

For years, people who cross-dressed were considered deviant…cross-dressing is even listed as a mental disorder today. In March 2010, a petition to change this was submitted to the Sexual and Gender Identity Disorders Workgroup of the American Psychiatric Association (APA). If successful, this removal will be one less way for people to be categorized for enjoying the pleasures associated with sensuality.

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Do you have a question you would like to see included?  Please email goddess@ppnne.org

According to Dapper Dick’s website, “It is our deepest hope that this product will add some spark and spontaneity into your marriage.” We suppose when your man dons the Fireman Rick ensemble or Pirate Hardwood getup there is spontaneity in the relationship,…because nothing says, “Whoa, wasn’t expecting THAT” like a miniature Halloween costume on his fun parts.

Polyamorous means to desire, love, and commit to being in more than one romantic and sexually intimate relationship at a time. It requires being open, honest, and communicative with everyone in the relationships.

Infinity heart – a symbol used for polyamory.

People involved in polyamorous relationships create a world of open communication, honesty, integrity, good will, and thoughtfulness. Their world is about enjoying the erotic and passionate feelings they have for others and to be open about those feelings, and to act upon them with love and authenticity—whether those feelings are for one person or multiple. The connection does not stop with sexual love but encompasses romance, intimacy, commitment, and yes, love.

Polyamorous relationships are often misunderstood and discredited in our culture today. People involved in polyamorous relationships are not having “affairs” or being “secretive/deceptive.” Polyamory is not polygamy (polygamy has a different philosophy about partners, orientation, and gender-power). Polyamory is sometimes thought of as “swinging,” but anyone can swing whether you are in a polyamorous relationship, a monogamous relationship, or single. Sometimes people immediately think polyamory is the same thing as having sex more than one person at a time, and that’s not just not true either.

The challenges polyamorous relationships present are the fear of rejection, the feelings of jealousy, the need for control over a partner’s passions, and the fear of uncertainty. But here are some of the rewards of a polyamorous life:

• A tremendous amount of love.
• An opportunity to become an excellent communicator.
• Rich sexual experiences that can vary and expand the lives of everyone involved.
• An opportunity to learn and overcome jealousy.
• A way to grow through the fear of being “less than.”
• A life that lets go of control and accepts that the unknown is okay.
• A way to be free of being competitive.
• An ability to critically think about life in an unusual and fascinating way.

Polyamory is not always easy, but for people who are polyamorous they say it is extremely rewarding and life enhancing.

For more on polyamory, check out this interview with polyamorists in Seattle.

This question affects both the premature ejaculator and their partner.  It can be awkward for both, but doesn’t really have to be. Let’s divide this answer up for “ejaculator” and “partner.”

What to do when your partner crosses the finish line too early?

Partner—you may be disappointed, but think of the positive—you’re so hot that your boyfriend just can’t contain himself! That’s a nice stroke (yeah, yeah) for the ego.

Hotness aside, it really sucks when this happens. It’s not just awkward and disappointing, but chances are you’ve been left unfulfilled. It may help you to know that this isn’t only plaguing your bedroom. Premature ejaculation is quite common: 30% of men ages 18-29 stated climaxing too early was an issue.   Turns out, even Sting’s boasts of 5 hours + of tantric sex were, well, fiction.

What to do?

Ask him to help you finish – just because he came does not mean your pleasure has to end. Actually, if anything, he has time on his hands now! His hands, his mouth, his tongue, and all of his other body parts are still working just fine, so ask for assistance. 

Be supportive– It is unrealistic to expect your man to last for hours each time you have sex. When he comes too soon, tell him it’s ok. You may feel awkward, but just think about how embarrassed he is. Caveat—if this is happening all the time, there may be a problem that needs to be addressed.

Tips for the “ejaculator,” especially if you’re regularly landing the plane before you get to the runway:

• If you know there’s a possibility of sex later that day or night, masturbate first. It relieves sexual tension and can be used to practice self control.
• Relax your mind before you have sex—your erection is controlled in large part by your brain. If your brain is racing, your sperm might follow. Try to be more zen.  
• When sex begins, focus on your partner and help them reach orgasm first. That can take the pressure off your performance issues.
• Choose better positions. Muscle tension, especially in the “missionary” position, increases your chances of coming too soon.
• Use the “Stop-Start” Method. If you’re having sex and feel like you’re getting too close, stop and do something else for a while (like going down on her…taking a break and emptying the dishwasher). Start back up again when you feel ready.
• Try a cock ring. It’s used primarily to slow the flow of blood from erect penile tissue, thus maintaining your erection for a longer period of time.
• Practice Kegel exercises—they aren’t just for women. They help strengthen your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle (yeah, our spell check didn’t like that), which reduces pre-mature ejaculation and helps with a host of other ailments.

If you are really worried and nothing seems to work – go to your health provider. There are several ways to change the situation. Hypnosis, imagery exercises, or even meditation can help. There are some medications that health professionals suggest.

The other day I happened to be cruising down the highway with my radio blaring (pretty much the norm for me). Being the lover of lyrics I am, I was paying close attention to the song.  Florence and the Machine came on and suddenly their lyrics made me think, Wait? WHAT?  

Their song  Kiss With a Fist is a love song about the destructive forces behind some relationships.  It totes the mantra, “A kiss with a fist is better than none.” While it is a phenomenal song that showcases Florence Welch’s powerful voice, the lyrics make it the least romantic love song I have ever heard…

To go along with this lyrical theme, I give you the Top 10 Least Romantic Love Song Lyrics . They range from the equally bizarre to the horrendously corny.  What are some of your favorite unromantic love songs?

Let’s get right down to business!  The very first thing you should do is learn about female anatomy, if you aren’t already familiar.  Knowing the “ins and outs” (er, so to speak) of a woman’s vulva is critical to giving mind-blowing oral. Don’t find yourself in this situation.

Secondly, and this is true of any sex act, ask her what feels good (and ask a couple of times during the experience).  Knowing what she likes and wants will increase her erotic edge and will heighten her sensations and mood.

Most importantly, go slow and take your time. On average, it takes a woman 20 minutes to orgasm (and men only 2-5 minutes!)—slow and steady is definitely the pace you want in this race. 

When you start licking, don’t just focus on her clitoris, but cover the entire area around that pleasure switch.  Use your tongue to gently lick her labia and inner lips. Move all around, including moving your tongue into her vagina.  Remember that your tongue is a very strong muscle, but one that can be soft or hard, and used in many different ways during oral. Licking, rolling, and flicking your tongue all over her vulva can make any woman a happy girl!  

Try putting her clitoris in your mouth and sucking on it. You can also use your fingers to increase her sensation by moving your fingers in and out of her vagina, using them to massage her labia and surrounding skin.

As you get deeper into the oral sex, keep going back to the clitoris and build on the motion and pressure. Watch her movements to tell she is enjoying it – pay attention to her moans and her body. Rhythm is the key.

And now here is some un-cut footage from the film Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back. Will Ferrell and John Stewart tell you what they know about the C.L.I.T.

In our line of work, a really rough part of our job is staying on top (catch that pun?) of sexual information available on the web.  Really, there is no need to pity us.

Here are some of our favorite blogs and sites… and we’d like to know yours.  We know this sounds silly, but please keep it clean. We will erase any comments that link to porn or are in some other way of “questionable” taste. We are looking for sex advice columns, favorite blogs about sexuality, etc.

Fun, feminist, or naughty:

Feministing is audacious, bold and takes no prisoners. They discuss from a feminist perspective with just the right amount of snark and humor…we love these fems! Our dorky, inner librarian really enjoys their book review section.

A personal favorite is Bitch Magazine.  If you really like ‘em, subscribe to their print version so they can continue doing their good work.

Hipmama features motherhood in a realistic, edgy light, without all those idiotic articles about how to make heart shaped peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  Think less cupcake, more tattoo.

And then there is Salon..oh so smart, sometimes funny, but always riveting on matters of sex, relationships, and social issues pertaining to sex….

Guerillawomen offers commentary on mainstream culture, events, with a feminist twist.

Carnalnation serves up great writing and fun (sexy) topics–from insect sex to the discussion on “to hook up, or not to hook up.”

Sex/Relationship Advice:

Savage Love.  We think we might love Dan Savage more than his own mother does. He dishes honest advice on the things you wish you had the nerve to ask. He has his own youtube channel and offers up a podcast, too (find the link on his page). Brutally, refreshingly honest. And hilarious. Did we mention he’s honest?

The wonderful Mistress Maeve delights us locally (Burlington, VT)  with her good sex advice for Seven Days.  (We also just interviewed her.)  What’s not a little naughty about having to address your letters “Dear Mistress”?

Scarleteen claims they offer “sex ed for the real world,” and we agree.

Nikol Hasler, who got her start in the now (unfortunately) defunct Midwest Teen Sex Show, continues to give candid advice in all matters sex in her column for Milwaukee Magazine.

Sex, sexual health, sex news… a virtual buffet of all matters pertaining to, well, sex, can be found here on Topix.

One of Canada’s leading sexperts, Josey Vogels, blogs from “My Messy Bedroom” and as “The Dating Girl.”

Sirens Magazine is a good site visit on any day, but we really enjoy the excellent sex section.

Gender Spectrum:

Kate Bornstein’s description: “I am a queer and pleasant danger” says it all.  Kate’s blog is for “teens, freaks and other outlaws,”  but we assure you, everyone will enjoy it.

Genderfork is a visual feast. Beautiful, fluid, and a “supportive community for the expression of identities across the gender spectrum.”

Reproductive justice:

Basic reading for anyone interested in reproductive justice or issues pertaining to women (political, medical, social) can be found at RH Reality Check.  Excellent information written by smart people.

Sexgenderbody‘s tagline sums it up–“A direct, honest and respectful conversation about sex, gender & body.”

LGBTQ:

Lots of good stuff, but we really like Bilerico, reputed to be the largest LGBTQ group blog covering news, media and issues.

And we know this sounds crazy, but we are fans of Queercents: financial advice focused on being queer. Go visit. It will make sense once you peruse the site.

There…a short list of some of our favorite blogs and websites. Now keep up your end of the bargin and show us yours.