This question affects both the premature ejaculator and their partner. It can be awkward for both, but doesn’t really have to be. Let’s divide this answer up for “ejaculator” and “partner.”
What to do when your partner crosses the finish line too early?
Partner—you may be disappointed, but think of the positive—you’re so hot that your boyfriend just can’t contain himself! That’s a nice stroke (yeah, yeah) for the ego.
Hotness aside, it really sucks when this happens. It’s not just awkward and disappointing, but chances are you’ve been left unfulfilled. It may help you to know that this isn’t only plaguing your bedroom. Premature ejaculation is quite common: 30% of men ages 18-29 stated climaxing too early was an issue. Turns out, even Sting’s boasts of 5 hours + of tantric sex were, well, fiction.
What to do?
Ask him to help you finish – just because he came does not mean your pleasure has to end. Actually, if anything, he has time on his hands now! His hands, his mouth, his tongue, and all of his other body parts are still working just fine, so ask for assistance.
Be supportive– It is unrealistic to expect your man to last for hours each time you have sex. When he comes too soon, tell him it’s ok. You may feel awkward, but just think about how embarrassed he is. Caveat—if this is happening all the time, there may be a problem that needs to be addressed.
Tips for the “ejaculator,” especially if you’re regularly landing the plane before you get to the runway:
- If you know there’s a possibility of sex later that day or night, masturbate first. It relieves sexual tension and can be used to practice self control.
- Relax your mind before you have sex—your erection is controlled in large part by your brain. If your brain is racing, your sperm might follow. Try to be more zen.
- When sex begins, focus on your partner and help them reach orgasm first. That can take the pressure off your performance issues.
- Choose better positions. Muscle tension, especially in the “missionary” position, increases your chances of coming too soon.
- Use the “Stop-Start” Method. If you’re having sex and feel like you’re getting too close, stop and do something else for a while (like going down on her…taking a break and emptying the dishwasher). Start back up again when you feel ready.
- Try a cock ring. It’s used primarily to slow the flow of blood from erect penile tissue, thus maintaining your erection for a longer period of time.
- Practice Kegel exercises—they aren’t just for women. They help strengthen your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle (yeah, our spell check didn’t like that), which reduces pre-mature ejaculation and helps with a host of other ailments.
If you are really worried and nothing seems to work – go to your health provider. There are several ways to change the situation. Hypnosis, imagery exercises, or even meditation can help. There are some medications that health professionals suggest.
