Royal Rubbers

The upcoming Prince William / Kate Middleton wedding is a big deal. After all, it’s not every day a prince gets hitched. As such, manufacturers all over the world have already started producing items to celebrate their big day. 

Among the bizarre souvenirs for sale are Crown Jewels Condoms – a royal prophylactic. According to their website, “Like a Royal Wedding, intercourse with a loved one is an unforgettable occasion.” Crown Jewels Condoms promise a “Royal union of pleasure,” and “Combine the strength of a Prince with the yielding sensitivity of a Princess-to-be.” Man, who writes this stuff.

While that all sounds like a royal good time, there’s a slight problem—“Crown Jewels Condoms are a novelty condom not suitable for contraception or protection against STDs.” Unless you plan on having a royal baby any time soon, we suggest keeping these family heirlooms in their collector’s box and sticking to the real deal.