Consensual Text

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There’s nothing quite like waking up after a night of naughty to find “love stains” all over your couch, your bed, the wall…Traces of the fun we had.

When are cum stains not so charming? When you book that romantic weekend for two, check into your $300 a night hotel, and find dried “stuff” all over the room. Something even less charming is when you have friends coming over and you know they aren’t going to buy your “spilled milk” lie.  This is when you need a product and need one fast.

In our (extennnsive!) experience, rug cleaners like “Resolve,” or “Shout IT Out” seem to work the best on upholstered stuff.  They handle all kinds of stains and work on all kinds of fabrics.

As far as shirts, underwear, and even sneakers are concerned, laundry detergent and a super wash cycle for four hours should do the trick.

Looking for a more eco-friendly route? Lemon juice, my friend. It cleans everything. Try it full strength, or distilled, just like sex.

Some Do’s and Don’ts when it comes to love stains:

• Don’t call an upholstery cleaning service, unless the entire couch was drenched (If this happens, call Guinness World Records while you’re at it).
• Do know that untouched stains can resolve quarrels about affairs years later.
• Don’t wear the same clothes after a busy night without checking for visible traces.
• Do continue to be adventurous and don’t let fear of cum stains stop you from having a good time. Just make sure you have a product near by.

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Do you have a question you would like to see included?  Ask us anonymously!

Sex drives are one of life’s greatest mysteries. Some people think about sex all day long and are ready at the drop of a hat. Others, with weaker sex drives,  are much less interested in having sex.  Then there are those who fall somewhere in between.  All are perfectly normal.

Sex drives vary from person to person due to an infinite number of reasons: circumstance, environment, personal history, hormones, values, feelings, etc. etc. The good news is there are easy (and fun!)  fixes to help your partner, or yourself, become more interested in sex.

The brain is the most important sex organ in the human body—not  the clitoris, or the penis—the brain. Our brain dictates our sex drive with neurotransmitters. Dopamine, for example, works to increase our sex drive and  Serotonin can decrease our sex drive.

Knowing your brain is a major player in sexual desire, use it to encourage positive feelings and reactions.  Use visual, auditory, or kinesthetic stimulation to influence your brain. We know this sounds cliché, but, think positively—it can have a huge effect on your sexual desire.

Another element to increase your sex drive has to do with body image—how you feel about your body and what you say about it affects both your libido and your partner’s.  When you are having sex, let go of your worries about your body – just for the moment.

Sexual satisfaction can also increase sex drive. Some tips:

• Foreplay, foreplay and more foreplay – entice him or her – get your mojo going.
• Masturbate together.
• Use lubrication to change your sex drive and sexual satisfaction.
• Reveal your fantasies to your partner.
• Try out different places to have sex – some people get charged in edgy or more public places.
• Incorporate some sex toys and different positions into your routine.
• Talk. Ask your partner what she or he would like to try – what would turn her/him.
• Leave the lights on – let your partner see you get aroused and excited.

There are also many foods that can increase your sex drive.

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Oh no! What a dilemma to have. Next time you’re out, stock up. It’s an important “extra” for sex (especially anal sex, as the anus does not self lubricate). In the meantime, here are some household items you can use for massage, masturbation, and sex to keep things slippery and stimulating.

Believe it or not, egg whites make a great lubricant. They are pure protein, like sperm. Just make sure they are refrigerated and fresh. Salmonella is the last thing you want in your vagina.

If eggs-vagintene isn’t something you’re willing to try, opt for a household oil. Baby oil, Vaseline, even mineral oil can all make great lubes.

(Big note of caution about latex condoms and oil: Oils and latex do not mix. In fact, oil eats away at latex, quickly leaving you with a broken condom or dental dam. Check out this video if you don’t believe us! If you’re using latex condoms or dental dams, avoid oils of all kind and opt for water-based lubes only.)

 Then there are oils like sesame, almond, and coconut, which taste delicious, are good for the skin, and can be used as lubricants. Even olive oil can be used in a pinch. But again, freshness is key. Don’t use anything in the anus or vagina that can be a breeding ground for bacteria. 

Last, and perhaps the oldest trick in the book, is saliva. When cavemen and women needed a little something extra, they didn’t pull out a bottle of KY—they used spit. The one drawback is it’s high percentage of water—meaning it dries out quickly. Avoid saliva if you have a sore throat, infection, mouth sores, etc, as they will all be passed to your lover.

And if you’re looking for a really fun foreplay technique, try out this homemade lube recipe. You might not even make it out of the kitchen.

Have fun and happy Friday.

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Do you have a question you would like to see included?  Please email goddess@ppnne.org

Since we are all about taking care of your body (and having fun while doing it), we bring you a sex-toy review from one of our loyal readers. Please note that Planned Parenthood of Northern New England does not in any way endorse this product or company. Happy reading.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably been overwhelmed hearing about chemicals and environmental toxins. Phthalates are of particular concern because they are used in just about anything and everything, including many soft-plastics. Since sex toys are considered “novelties,” they aren’t regulated by our government—meaning lots of nasty stuff can be used in them, including high concentrations of phthalates—yuck! So what’s an eco-and health-conscious girl to do when she’s in need of a little help in her solo-flying pleasure-activities, but wants to avoid nasty chemicals?

I turned to the internet to learn more about environmentally-friendly vibrators and dildos. I came across this great post by Planet Green and I paid attention.

Because this is a personal venture, I didn’t have the cash to try everything out there. I decided to quickly rule out the cold, hard, or the didn’t-move-and-groove-on-their-own-versions because I was looking for more spice. And, while I know certain animal-laden toys are also popular lately (the Rabbit), those, too, were quickly crossed-off my list (there’s something about sticking myself with a flying, swimming, or hopping creature that just doesn’t do it for me).

Then I came across the Sinnflut Rechargeable Vibrator and my search pretty much ended. Let me tell you why I love it: It’s made from 100% body-safe silicone; It’s rechargeable (less risk of finding dead batteries when you’re all hot and heavy); It’s waterproof (a HUGE selling point for me since that’s how my last vibrator met it’s demise…but that’s a story for another post); It has 9 speeds and 3 pulsing levels (yup—that’s right—no matter what mood you’re in, there’s pretty much a speed to get you there); And, as if all of those other points weren’t great enough, it’s ribbed for your enjoyment. What’s not to love?

So, what can I say? Was it worth the $130 (actually, I found mine online for quite a bit less, because the color choices were limited)? Heck yeah!

And, I feel like I’m taking even better care of myself and the environment by choosing this safe-sex sex toy.

Consensual Text is featured on Twitter and on Facebook .  Fan and follow us for info on a range of topics pertaining to sex and sexual health!

When was the last time someone made you feel like this? Or this? As in really turned on, and knocked right off your feet. While you scratch your head and ponder, we’re going to assume it doesn’t happen nearly as often as it should in our crazy, busy culture.

We make time for a lot of things. Unfortunately, sexual pleasure isn’t as high-up on the to do list as that big school project, or that meeting at work. It’s hard to slow down and focus on lust, erotic desire, and being wanted. Sex is the last thing in the world we should rush. Here are some ways you can slow things down and really appreciate your lover in bed:

Be thoughtful and deliberate. That doesn’t mean you should go to bed with a notebook full of step by step sex plans—It means you should go slow enough to feel everything, notice what your partner is enjoying, and figure out how to keep it going.

Be bold and inquisitive. Feel your partner’s response to your touch and the way you are pleasing him or her. Keep going until something else comes your way – another move of her or his body or another moan.

Use your body to their advantage. The best sex partners use their hands, lips, and tongue, but don’t stop there. Every part of your body can be used to please your partner. Rub a little oil (seriously, just a little or this might happen) on their body; put your lips in places that you think, or know, are sensitive; and make your tongue speak to their body.

Play doctor and study up on the body. A Ph.D in human anatomy is not required, but knowing some basics about bone structure, muscles, nerve endings, etc. can really help in the sack.

Talk to your sex partner. Tell him or her what you’re thinking. Ask what they want and like. But don’t give your lover an overview of the news, or a thesis on your love. Talk just enough to leave some silence for those moans or requests. Be sure your timing and word choice enhances the feeling and the mood.

Know what YOU like. The best lovers know what they themselves like, so figure out what really turns YOU on. Show your partner how you feel. Tell her or him what you want to do next. And expect that she or he will follow your lead.

Put your sexual partner/partners first. Sexually satisfying someone else is the biggest bonus – it’s a turn on, it pleasures your partner, and it means your turn is coming. If you have an orgasm first, stay attentive until your partner is happy and fulfilled. People come at different times during sex. So while orgasming at the same time would be fantastic, if you don’t, stay with it until your partner gets there.

Intimacy is key. One of the most intimate things a couple can do during sex is to leave the light on, your eyes open, and watch your partner closely when she/he is having an orgasm. It can be sensational – intimate and so powerful.

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Do you have a question you would like to see included?  Please email goddess@ppnne.org

Consensual Text is featured on Twitter and on Facebook .  Fan and follow us for info on a range of topics pertaining to sex and sexual health!

The notion that people can, and do, dress in the clothes of a gender other than their own has existed for centuries. People have always cross-dressed.

Hibiki Amawa is the best cross dresser in the anime world. Hibiki is able to show her feminine and his masculine side simultaneously & successfully.

Many people who cross-dress regularly do so because it makes them feel comfortable, attractive, and excited.  This excitement is not always sexual, but it can often be arousing and thrilling.

Many cross-dressers strive to “pass.” They want to be seen as another gender and to feel “feminine” or “masculine.”

Many will tell you that they have been cross-dressing for years, sometimes simultaneous with periods of feeling uncomfortable about these needs,  though they have just as many thrilling and enjoyable times cross-dressing.

Myths:

• “Cross-dressing has to do with one’s sexual orientation or gender identity.” This is false: Like anyone, cross-dressers can be gay, heterosexual, bisexual, male, female, bi-gendered, or transgender – married, single, polyamorous, or celibate.
• “Cross dressing is about wanting to be something or someone else.”  False-loosen up.  It’s about comfort and pleasure.

For years, people who cross-dressed were considered deviant…cross-dressing is even listed as a mental disorder today. In March 2010, a petition to change this was submitted to the Sexual and Gender Identity Disorders Workgroup of the American Psychiatric Association (APA). If successful, this removal will be one less way for people to be categorized for enjoying the pleasures associated with sensuality.

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Do you have a question you would like to see included?  Please email goddess@ppnne.org

This question affects both the premature ejaculator and their partner.  It can be awkward for both, but doesn’t really have to be. Let’s divide this answer up for “ejaculator” and “partner.”

What to do when your partner crosses the finish line too early?

Partner—you may be disappointed, but think of the positive—you’re so hot that your boyfriend just can’t contain himself! That’s a nice stroke (yeah, yeah) for the ego.

Hotness aside, it really sucks when this happens. It’s not just awkward and disappointing, but chances are you’ve been left unfulfilled. It may help you to know that this isn’t only plaguing your bedroom. Premature ejaculation is quite common: 30% of men ages 18-29 stated climaxing too early was an issue.   Turns out, even Sting’s boasts of 5 hours + of tantric sex were, well, fiction.

What to do?

Ask him to help you finish – just because he came does not mean your pleasure has to end. Actually, if anything, he has time on his hands now! His hands, his mouth, his tongue, and all of his other body parts are still working just fine, so ask for assistance. 

Be supportive– It is unrealistic to expect your man to last for hours each time you have sex. When he comes too soon, tell him it’s ok. You may feel awkward, but just think about how embarrassed he is. Caveat—if this is happening all the time, there may be a problem that needs to be addressed.

Tips for the “ejaculator,” especially if you’re regularly landing the plane before you get to the runway:

• If you know there’s a possibility of sex later that day or night, masturbate first. It relieves sexual tension and can be used to practice self control.
• Relax your mind before you have sex—your erection is controlled in large part by your brain. If your brain is racing, your sperm might follow. Try to be more zen.  
• When sex begins, focus on your partner and help them reach orgasm first. That can take the pressure off your performance issues.
• Choose better positions. Muscle tension, especially in the “missionary” position, increases your chances of coming too soon.
• Use the “Stop-Start” Method. If you’re having sex and feel like you’re getting too close, stop and do something else for a while (like going down on her…taking a break and emptying the dishwasher). Start back up again when you feel ready.
• Try a cock ring. It’s used primarily to slow the flow of blood from erect penile tissue, thus maintaining your erection for a longer period of time.
• Practice Kegel exercises—they aren’t just for women. They help strengthen your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle (yeah, our spell check didn’t like that), which reduces pre-mature ejaculation and helps with a host of other ailments.

If you are really worried and nothing seems to work – go to your health provider. There are several ways to change the situation. Hypnosis, imagery exercises, or even meditation can help. There are some medications that health professionals suggest.

Let’s get right down to business!  The very first thing you should do is learn about female anatomy, if you aren’t already familiar.  Knowing the “ins and outs” (er, so to speak) of a woman’s vulva is critical to giving mind-blowing oral. Don’t find yourself in this situation.

Secondly, and this is true of any sex act, ask her what feels good (and ask a couple of times during the experience).  Knowing what she likes and wants will increase her erotic edge and will heighten her sensations and mood.

Most importantly, go slow and take your time. On average, it takes a woman 20 minutes to orgasm (and men only 2-5 minutes!)—slow and steady is definitely the pace you want in this race. 

When you start licking, don’t just focus on her clitoris, but cover the entire area around that pleasure switch.  Use your tongue to gently lick her labia and inner lips. Move all around, including moving your tongue into her vagina.  Remember that your tongue is a very strong muscle, but one that can be soft or hard, and used in many different ways during oral. Licking, rolling, and flicking your tongue all over her vulva can make any woman a happy girl!  

Try putting her clitoris in your mouth and sucking on it. You can also use your fingers to increase her sensation by moving your fingers in and out of her vagina, using them to massage her labia and surrounding skin.

As you get deeper into the oral sex, keep going back to the clitoris and build on the motion and pressure. Watch her movements to tell she is enjoying it – pay attention to her moans and her body. Rhythm is the key.

And now here is some un-cut footage from the film Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back. Will Ferrell and John Stewart tell you what they know about the C.L.I.T.

Consensual Text is featured on Twitter and on Facebook .  Fan and follow us for info on a range of topics pertaining to sex and sexual health!

Good question. Getting tied up can be a fun, adventurous and super sexy experience if done acceptably. How do you do it acceptably? Well for starters, you shouldn’t just decide to chain your partner to the bedpost one night during your sex routine. Just like with everything new, consent and agreement are the first steps. So talk with your partner ahead of time before trying this at home, kids.

Control is also essential. Even though one of you is tied up, you both have to feel that you can regain control at any time. Using a safe word is a good way to do this. A safe word is a word that will always be honored by both/all of you and will mean the experience will stop right then.  Pick your safe word and remind your lover of it. Words like elephant, ice cream, mercy, or radishes are examples, but find your own word and use it.

Being tied up isn’t just about hand binding. There are other ways to experience getting all tied up.  A foot, one arm, feet and arms at same time, etc.  Enjoy letting go and knowing you are safe and/or keeping your partner safe.

So what kind of ties should you use? How about a soft rope or a rope made out of cord, not plastic. If you’re not into the rope idea, scarves, belts, socks, tape, ties, leather, and handcuffs will also work.

You’re also going to want to experiment safely. Tying your partner to the bedpost first would be a better choice than tying him/her to a ceiling rafter.

Have fun and play with the experience – put lipstick on your boyfriend when he is tied up, or put a jock strap on your girlfriend. Dress him or her up with lace, or chaps, or leather, or pour whipped cream all over her or him. Have hot sex and also have fun.

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Do you have a question you would like to see included?  Please email goddess@ppnne.org

I always knew the Germans were kinky. Long before SpielPalast and racy cabarets, German Cavewomen were using sex toys!

A prehistoric siltstone phallus  was discovered in a cave in Germany and is being studied at the University of Tubingen. Researchers believe this 30,000-year-old sex object also doubled as tool to start fires (the equivalent of a cigarette after sex? Perhaps).

Clearly, we can learn a lot from these cavewomen. They made use of what they had “handy,” and didn’t need to worry about PVC in their sex toys.