Consensual Text

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Ehhh…it depends…

Relationships vary, as does someone’s commitment to a relationship.

When you decide to be in a relationship with someone, it is critical to understand your commitment. You need to understand what your partner views as “cheating.”  Have a conversation so you’re on the same page.

Once you’ve figured that part out, discuss cyber sex.  Possible things to ask:

• What’s your opinion on cyber sex?
• When would cyber sex be okay (if ever) in our relationship?
• Do you think cyber sex is the same as masturbation?
• What are some boundaries you want to set in this relationship?
• How do you handle jealousy?
• Would cyber sex make you jealous?

These conversations are hard, but  your goal is understanding and trust.

Be clear about how you feel about it, too.  Is it okay if your partner watches others have sex online? Talks dirty with someone on the screen? Is aroused by someone else?

Here’s when it is cheating—when you know your partner doesn’t think it’s okay and you do it anyway, OR when cyber sex turns into something other than simply cyber sex (IE: having real life romps with your online buddy).

If both of you decided cyber sex is acceptable, then it is not cheating.

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Do you have a question you would like to see included?  Please email goddess@ppnne.org

Consensual Text is featured on Twitter and on Facebook .  Fan and follow us for info on a range of topics pertaining to sex and sexual health!

Oh no! What a dilemma to have. Next time you’re out, stock up. It’s an important “extra” for sex (especially anal sex, as the anus does not self lubricate). In the meantime, here are some household items you can use for massage, masturbation, and sex to keep things slippery and stimulating.

Believe it or not, egg whites make a great lubricant. They are pure protein, like sperm. Just make sure they are refrigerated and fresh. Salmonella is the last thing you want in your vagina.

If eggs-vagintene isn’t something you’re willing to try, opt for a household oil. Baby oil, Vaseline, even mineral oil can all make great lubes.

(Big note of caution about latex condoms and oil: Oils and latex do not mix. In fact, oil eats away at latex, quickly leaving you with a broken condom or dental dam. Check out this video if you don’t believe us! If you’re using latex condoms or dental dams, avoid oils of all kind and opt for water-based lubes only.)

 Then there are oils like sesame, almond, and coconut, which taste delicious, are good for the skin, and can be used as lubricants. Even olive oil can be used in a pinch. But again, freshness is key. Don’t use anything in the anus or vagina that can be a breeding ground for bacteria. 

Last, and perhaps the oldest trick in the book, is saliva. When cavemen and women needed a little something extra, they didn’t pull out a bottle of KY—they used spit. The one drawback is it’s high percentage of water—meaning it dries out quickly. Avoid saliva if you have a sore throat, infection, mouth sores, etc, as they will all be passed to your lover.

And if you’re looking for a really fun foreplay technique, try out this homemade lube recipe. You might not even make it out of the kitchen.

Have fun and happy Friday.

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Do you have a question you would like to see included?  Please email goddess@ppnne.org

This question affects both the premature ejaculator and their partner.  It can be awkward for both, but doesn’t really have to be. Let’s divide this answer up for “ejaculator” and “partner.”

What to do when your partner crosses the finish line too early?

Partner—you may be disappointed, but think of the positive—you’re so hot that your boyfriend just can’t contain himself! That’s a nice stroke (yeah, yeah) for the ego.

Hotness aside, it really sucks when this happens. It’s not just awkward and disappointing, but chances are you’ve been left unfulfilled. It may help you to know that this isn’t only plaguing your bedroom. Premature ejaculation is quite common: 30% of men ages 18-29 stated climaxing too early was an issue.   Turns out, even Sting’s boasts of 5 hours + of tantric sex were, well, fiction.

What to do?

Ask him to help you finish – just because he came does not mean your pleasure has to end. Actually, if anything, he has time on his hands now! His hands, his mouth, his tongue, and all of his other body parts are still working just fine, so ask for assistance. 

Be supportive– It is unrealistic to expect your man to last for hours each time you have sex. When he comes too soon, tell him it’s ok. You may feel awkward, but just think about how embarrassed he is. Caveat—if this is happening all the time, there may be a problem that needs to be addressed.

Tips for the “ejaculator,” especially if you’re regularly landing the plane before you get to the runway:

• If you know there’s a possibility of sex later that day or night, masturbate first. It relieves sexual tension and can be used to practice self control.
• Relax your mind before you have sex—your erection is controlled in large part by your brain. If your brain is racing, your sperm might follow. Try to be more zen.  
• When sex begins, focus on your partner and help them reach orgasm first. That can take the pressure off your performance issues.
• Choose better positions. Muscle tension, especially in the “missionary” position, increases your chances of coming too soon.
• Use the “Stop-Start” Method. If you’re having sex and feel like you’re getting too close, stop and do something else for a while (like going down on her…taking a break and emptying the dishwasher). Start back up again when you feel ready.
• Try a cock ring. It’s used primarily to slow the flow of blood from erect penile tissue, thus maintaining your erection for a longer period of time.
• Practice Kegel exercises—they aren’t just for women. They help strengthen your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle (yeah, our spell check didn’t like that), which reduces pre-mature ejaculation and helps with a host of other ailments.

If you are really worried and nothing seems to work – go to your health provider. There are several ways to change the situation. Hypnosis, imagery exercises, or even meditation can help. There are some medications that health professionals suggest.

Consensual Text is featured on Twitter and on Facebook .  Fan and follow us for info on a range of topics pertaining to sex and sexual health!

This may be one of the saddest scenarios I’ve ever had to contemplate.  Imagining the clitoris—the only organ dedicated to pleasure—injured or unable to feel sensation because of a vibrator practically brings tears to my eyes!  I suppose you could lose sensation if you were to use some of the barbaric torture devices, I mean vibrators, we featured a few weeks back. But luckily, modern technology can allow me to confidently answer your question by saying, “Aw, hell to the no!” to quote the unflappable Whitney Houston.  No matter how much you use them, vibrators simply cannot take sensation away from your clitoris.

Think of a vibrator as a wonderful sidekick.  A Robin to your Batman, a Laverne to your Shirley, a Cheech to your Chong…except in a non-cartoony, non-Milwaukee brewery, and non-pot smoking kind of way.  Okay, so maybe those were terrible examples. 

My point is that a vibrator is a fabulous assistant in reaching orgasm. It’s not going to cause you nerve damage, or hinder your chances of having an orgasm over time.  In fact, 70% of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and intercourse alone doesn’t guarantee it for some women. So a vibrator can be a tremendous supporter in the quest for the big O. 

As you know by asking this question, the clitoris is a very sensitive organ.  It responds well to all kinds of touch—not just vibrators.  Fingers can easily arouse and heighten sexual desire.  If clitoral massage is done well, the feeling can be a sensational as receiving oral sex.  Light touch, slow circles, side- to-side strokes, and listening for moans of pleasure are some instructions you should pass on your partner. Orgasm can also be achieved when your clitoris is rubbing up against your partner’s pubic bone. 

Occasionally there are women that get hooked on their vibrator and end up believing it’s the only way they’ll have an orgasm.  This usually isn’t true.  But, for variety’s sake, we suggest having several different ones on hand. Dodson & Ross have some excellent sex toy  suggestions.

So, enjoy the pleasures your vibrator provides and don’t worry about losing sensation.  It won’t happen. 

And check out this great video from Dan Savage, as he bluntly answers the question, “How can I get a woman to orgasm without resorting to clitoral stimulation.”

Planned Parenthood of northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Should you have a question you would like to see included, please send an email to goddess@ppnne.org

Consensual Text is featured on Twitter and Facebook.  Fan and follow us for info on a range of topics pertaining to sex and sexual health!

Two very different ads about pleasure and safety….and no one gets naked! Which one do you prefer?

Here is an African condom ad, where the hot sound track “One Love” by Blue sets the steamy mood.

Multitude of condom uses in this one…and the condom is featured as an aphrodisiac!

Turns out, you don’t grow hair on your palms or go blind. Phew.

That said, David Freeman over at Webmd did some research and shares 5 lesser known facts and theories.

To receive the weekly question per text, text FACTS to 90999.

It is not uncommon for men to have trouble lasting a long time or dealing with premature ejaculation.  Men last between 5 and 10 minutes during sex and about 71% wish they could last longer.

Should you have a question you would like to see included, please send an email to goddess@ppnne.org

To receive the weekly question per text, text FACTS to 90999.

People can have sex and expand love making for as long as they want, so is difficult to report on the average time people spend having intercourse. It depends on whether the time includes foreplay, oral sex or only “intercourse.”  It also depends on how much time is available…

“Having sex” or “love making” can be a quick 5-minute experience, can last or night, or anything in between.

There do seem to be some “averages”. In one study, sex therapists agreed that intercourse usually lasts somewhere between 3 to 13 minutes.  Acceptable is 3 to 7 minutes, desirable is between 7 and 13 minutes.

According to Kinsey and other studies, 75% of all males reach orgasm within 2 minutes of the start of intercourse. Length of vaginal intercourse may be more a man’s concern than the woman’s, since most women don’t climax from vaginal intercourse alone.

Men sometimes worry about premature ejaculation: masturbating a few hours before having vaginal sex may alleviate this.

Using all the senses can enhance sex; massage, music, mildly scenting the air, videos or having a view of the moon can have a good effect on the experience.

Should you have a question you would like to see included, please send an email to goddess@ppnne.org

To receive the weekly question per text, text FACTS to 90999.  

Studies suggest that people continue to masturbate while in relationships and enjoy the pleasure of both coupled sex and personal sexual satisfaction. Some research even shows masturbating frequently can lead to a more satisfying sex life, because of the resulting familiarity with one’s body.  

Masturbation does not have to be a solo performance! It is a great option for couples who have varying levels of sexual interest and many couples include it as part of their sexual activities together. Masturbation can be unhealthy if it replaces sex between a couple.

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

In 1829, Sylvester Graham, a Presbyterian minister, developed Graham Crackers….to curb the masturbatory impluses in young boys.

Graham believed sexual activity such as erotic dreams, masturbation or sexual intercourse more than once a month was unhealthy. He also associated foods such as meat and fat with excessive sexual behavior and warned that mustard and ketchup led to insanity.

Graham wasn’t alone.  Dr. John Harvey Kellogg developed Corn Flakes to curb masturbation.  Think about that next time you have a bowl for breakfast.

Betwen 1856 and 1932 the U. S. Patent Office approved 33 patents for “anti-masturbation devices”.

We’re sure they were all wildy successful. And that’s the truth, s’more or less.

Planned Parenthood of Northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.